Respect in Relationships
Jenna Miller
Mrs. Rutan 5 December 2015 A.P. Literature and Composition We’ve always been told that respect keeps relationships alive that treating each other equally makes for a healthy relationship, but when there is no respect for each other, that's when we see the failure of partnerships-- a husband/ wife relationship evolving into a non desirable father/daughter relationship or vice versa. Women are at higher risk for falling into this type of situation because sweet pet names hide an underlying truth of the man wanting to arise above and become controlling of his wife. There are many pieces of literature that are opprobrious to this outcome in a marriage; we see examples of this occurring in both real life and literature. In the play, A Doll House, written by Henrik Ibsen, and in the short story, “The Yellow Wallpaper”, written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, we see such belittling and condescending behavior becomes apparent to the reader from two distinct husbands towards their wives. In the end, treating their partner like a child either killed their sanity, or their marriage. Both authors argue that:
relationships, with a lack of respect and condescending behavior to their partners, lead to a bleak, nonequivalent, unhappy relationship. Name calling-- or Verbal Abuse-- isn't favored or preferred by anyone; especially if what you are being called degrades you into a child. If it’s happening in a relationship that is supposed to be based on equality-- like a marriage--than it is not acceptable.
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Name Calling or Verbal Abuse?The short story about a young wife who remains unnamed and the play focused on a woman,Nora, both have similarities involving being belittled by their husband's name-calling. We never learn the name of the main characters because her husband never calls her by her real name, only by “dear” (Gilman,340) or “darling” (Gilman, 340) revealing that Gilman never intended anything for the relationship. The names that the husband calls his wife may not be condescending, but he uses them even when discussing a serious topic like his own wife's mental health. He still does not call her by her name-- he even calls her things you would call a small child like, “little girl” (Gilman, 344) and “blessed little goose” (Gilman, 344). He only calls her by childish pet names that do not reassure the seriousness of the conversation or the relationship presented; it is conveyed as a joke from the exposition of the short story. Nora, or a “doll wife”(Ibsen, 1149), “squirrel” (Ibsen, 1093) or “little wastrel” (Ibsen, 1093), is never taken seriously by her husband, Mr. Torvald, either-- not even in the most seriously situation of separation.
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Actions Speak Louder than Words
Name calling is not the only way both husbands suppress their wives into children; Nora's husband critiques the way she eats, spends money, and acts, as if she were a child. He asks, “my little sweet-tooth hasn't by any chance been on a rampage today, has she?” (Ibsen, 1095), “munched a macaroon or two?” (Ibsen, 1095) and treating her as a child who has stolen a little treat, Nora replies, “you know I wouldn't do anything to displease you” (Ibsen, 1095). As she tells this lie to please her husband and not to disobey his wishes, when he catches her in a white lie, he talks down to her; “my little song bird must never do that again. Songbirds are supposed to have clean beaks to chirp with” (Ibsen, 1114). With the addition to Torvald pointing his finger at her, this name calling and response to her lying is very immature.
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The husband to the unnamed wife, John, had another way of treating his wife as a child and it is more than just speech and hand gestures; it’s literal. Unlike normal couples who share rooms, due to the woman's mental condition that John thinks she has, he feels as if it is necessary for the wife to have her own room. Her room was originally a “playroom” (Gilman, 339), than a “nursery” (Gilman, 339); the author did this to show the devolution of the wife and how she descended from a child to a baby. The room was “barred for little children” (Gilman, 339), such as the child that John thinks she is. The belittling and condescending behavior the husband has for his wife in this action is a visible piece of evidence that the author added to this short story to exhibit the way he pushes his wife down to the child-like level of existence.
Does this Really Happen?
Relationships can be so two faced; seem picture perfect to everyone else, but to each other, it can be hostile. As seen in “A Doll House”, Torvald and his beautiful wife are the talk of the town. A gorgeous family covered the controlled wife and her unhappiness. The same happened in the real world too. We've all heard of the tragic celebrity relationship of Chris Brown and Rihanna; picture perfect until the world discovered the hidden abuse. Abuse starts mentally and verbally, soon escalating to physical conflicts-- which could have happened to Nora and the other woman, if they let the verbal abuse continue. Unequal partnerships usually include verbal, mental and physical abuse, which leads to more inequality. If there is no respect, than there is no happiness or love.
Works Cited
Literature:
Perkins Gilman, Charrlotte. "The Yellow Wallpaper." Perrine's Literature: Structure, Sound, and Sense. 11th ed. Boston: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2012. 337-51. Print.
Ibsen, Henrik. "A Doll House." Perrine's Literature: Structure, Sound, and Sense. 11th ed. Boston: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2012. 1092-154. Print.
Images:
"Stock Photos, Vectors and Footage." Stock Photos, Royalty-Free Images & Video Footage By Dreamstime Stock Photography. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Dec. 2015.
www.dreamstime.com
"Gender Equality and Fairness." TempestTcup. N.p., 07 Aug. 2013. Web. 15 Dec. 2015.
https://tempesttcup.wordpress.com/2013/08/07/gender-equality-and-fairness/
"Home - Chocolate Covered Lies." Chocolate Covered Lies. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Dec. 2015.
www.chocolatecoveredlies.com
Perkins Gilman, Charrlotte. "The Yellow Wallpaper." Perrine's Literature: Structure, Sound, and Sense. 11th ed. Boston: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2012. 337-51. Print.
Ibsen, Henrik. "A Doll House." Perrine's Literature: Structure, Sound, and Sense. 11th ed. Boston: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2012. 1092-154. Print.
Images:
"Stock Photos, Vectors and Footage." Stock Photos, Royalty-Free Images & Video Footage By Dreamstime Stock Photography. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Dec. 2015.
www.dreamstime.com
"Gender Equality and Fairness." TempestTcup. N.p., 07 Aug. 2013. Web. 15 Dec. 2015.
https://tempesttcup.wordpress.com/2013/08/07/gender-equality-and-fairness/
"Home - Chocolate Covered Lies." Chocolate Covered Lies. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Dec. 2015.
www.chocolatecoveredlies.com